What does it say about me as a person that, if Katie Price was selling cyanide capsules, I’d probably buy an entire case and pop them like candy? Besides that I’m awesome and people are genuinely surprised when they learn I don’t drive a battleship to work.
Fresh off his breakup with Paris Hilton, Benji Madden went out in Hollywood as a single man last night, and if I were him, I’d be grinning like I got doused in the face with Smylex gas. But probably even more so considering I just escaped the vaginal equivalent of a rusty bear trap - tied to a land mine.
THE SUPERFICIAL: 2008 WINNER AMERICAN GYNECOLOGICAL AND OBSTETRICAL SOCIETY AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN LADY PARTS REPORTING
You know what’s always a good thing to do before punching celebrities in a charity boxing match? Check with your parole officer. A crucial step Michael Lohan seems to have skipped, according to TMZ:
Lindsay’s dad got the hook for that charity boxing match next week, because he’s still on parole for assault from 2004. “We do not feel that participating in a violent activity, such as celebrity boxing,” says a parole rep, “is appropriate for his rehabilitation.”
Someone needs to put Michael Lohan’s face on the Wikipedia page for FAIL. Along with Heidi & Spencer, Criss Angel and my local Dunkin Donuts for, I shit you not, running out of donuts today. That’s like KFC running out of chicken. Or, even more frightening, me running out of penis jokes. Shh, shh. I was only joking. It’s alright. Okay, take a deep breath. No, seriously, breathe. Somebody get these readers some paper bags! STAT.
Man, British people are smart. The folks over at BBC News made a startling discovery over the weekend: Karolina Kurkova doesn’t have a belly button. Wait. Women have belly buttons? When did that happen?:
Its absence was noticed this week when the 24-year-old graced a US catwalk for lingerie giant Victoria Secret. While most of us have an “outie” or an “innie”, Ms Kurkova has a smooth indentation (although sometimes a tummy button is airbrushed onto her photos in post-production).
Ms Kurkova has not spoken publicly about how she came to have a smooth navel, and all her agent will say is “she’s not an alien”.
Of course, this news would be startling if I didn’t just make a fascinating discovery of my own: Karolina Kurkova - has a face. BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!
That’s how you report, my friends. That’s how you report.
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, stars of the movie Twilight, stopped by The Today Show this morning where they took questions from a maniacal gaggle of teenage girls. You could tell in the video (after the jump) Robert Pattinson was definitely broadsided by his new heartthrob status. I almost feel bad for the guy. If anyone knows what it’s like to wake up every morning knowing the whole world wants to do you, It’s me. Yet somehow I persevere - for the children.
NOTE: Insanity kicks in around the 7:00 mark. Kudos to Robert Pattinson for attempting to understand the crazy then quickly realizing these chicks wouldn’t think twice about wearing his skin as a coat.
